By Ivor Davis
I will be glad—no make that—overjoyed—when The Election is over.
I have been buried alive—and I’m not exaggerating– by a daily avalanche of beseeching political emails.
Others may be familiar with this particular nightmare?
Overwhelming is the daily bombardments of emails about leaky guts, toenail fungus, and now assorted messages calling me “Dear Patriot” (I love tea—but am not too fond of ultra conservative Tea Party) plus a variety of big names who have begun to assault me during this excessive and overheated political season.
We are in the midst of a huge—-and I mean huge—attack of the emails morning noon and in the middle of the night. That ceaseless barrage is relentless: reprimanding—even scolding me — because I fail to respond to their non stop missives and exhortations during this election season.
While we all worry about coping with the coronavirus in this Twilight Zone of a world we find ourselves living in, it appears that many respected figures of the 21st century have found time to rap me on the knuckles.
“I am deeply disappointed in you Ivor” wrote former President Barack Obama. Today he followed up with, “Whatever you’ve done so far…it’s not enough.”
Even Michelle weighed in but with a more softer approach.
And it continues relentlessly. Barbra Streisand, (who I could seldom get to agree to an interview during my Hollywood reporting days) along with Joni Mitchell, and assorted other member of showbiz crowd, also took time out of their busy day to reiterate my abysmal failure to respond to their earlier emails. (Honestly, let me confess that even in this era of CV, I’m not sitting at home twiddling my thumbs or stroking my overgrown beard. I have been very busy. Honestly.)
“Can we count on you Ivor,” they echo, as I stay up all night wondering why all of a sudden I have become such an important guy and why they need to count on little old me—tucked away in the comfort of Ventura– when there are 326 million others to badger!
As election day draws perilously closer, they have identified me as a much in demand political oracle. It appears that pollsters and decision makers cannot go another day unless I weigh in. Flattering, of course, but until recently they never bothered to call or email or text. (Let’s not get into texts, please.) Or even send a birthday card.
Of course, I’m no dummy. After asking me about the Supreme Court nominee, or the fate of Obamacare, or the best Greek island to go fishing– above all –it seems—(surprise, surprise) they want my money. Not millions like Mr. Bloomberg—but a mere $5—or maybe more.
I realize that I did blunder when I opened those donation gate emails and contributed to selected political candidates of my choice. Now everyone wants a slice of the Davis pie!
Full disclosure: I have always voted Democrat. But somehow the Republicans—also twigging to the fact that I may be a man of wit, savoire faire and credit card, and possibly not realizing that I prefer Rachel Maddow to Judge Judy, or is it Judge Jeanine, and that I still think Fauci is a good guy, began targeting me. Indeed I confess, I did open the opposition emails, because my thinking was: it’s always intriguing to see what the other side’s strategy is.
In an effort to end it all, I just sent the Republican Party a firm note requesting that they cease and desist sending me their messages, and pointing out that after half a century of living and voting in the United States (after leaving Britain my country of birth) I– like my next door neighbor’s elderly Dalmatian— am not about to change my spots.
