by Paul Swanson
• There isn’t any iceberg.
• There was an iceberg but it’s in a totally different ocean.
• The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
• There is an iceberg but we didn’t hit it.
• We hit the iceberg but the damage will be repaired very soon.
• I knew it was an iceberg before anyone else knew it was an iceberg.
• The iceberg is a Chinese iceberg.
• We are taking on water but every passenger who wants a lifeboat can have a lifeboat and they are beautiful lifeboats.
• Look, passengers have to ask nicely for the lifeboats if they want them.
• We don’t have any lifeboats, we are not lifeboat distributers.
• Passengers should have planned for icebergs and brought their own lifeboats.
• I really don’t think we need that many lifeboats.
• We have lifeboats but they are supposed to be our lifeboats and not the passengers’ lifeboats.
• The lifeboats were left on shore by the last captain of this ship.
• Nobody could have foreseen the iceberg.
• I am the best captain ever, ask anyone.
